Saturday, July 14, 2012

Mending my Mind

I am getting used to silence these days. At home. With friends. With relatives.

At home it is per force. How much can one talk to oneself? With friends it is mutual. You stop telling them about your life, they reciprocate by extending the same treatment to you. With relatives, you know that there is only that much they care or have time for.

Once you start understanding limitations of everything around you, it kind of frees you from any obligation you might feel towards them. They lose control over you. That is what I have started feeling these days. Not answerable to anyone.

I said I am getting used to it. But not fully there yet.

I do wake up with pangs of lonliness. Walk around the house like a ghost of my own self. Come back to my room (yes I have a favourite room full of my favourite things) and sit there quietly. Get to work and forget about the deafening silence. From time to time when I look up, I think about all the things I would have liked to chit-chat about. Things that have nothing to do with television, news or wisdom quotes. Getting quite tired of them. Anyone you turn to is so full of borrowed wisdom and opinions that I feel dwarfed in terms of conviction about the same. All I am looking for is a simple conversation. But everything around me is so intellectually stimulated, prophetic and steeped in contrast that I have no option but to keep mum. I keep my ephemeral floating thoughts to myself.

I said I am not fully there yet. But I am getting there.

Learning to be alone yet not lonely.

2 comments:

  1. Is this what is called the state of full enlightenment? :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have no clue what it is called. I call it 'making the best of situation you are presented with' :)

    ReplyDelete

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