Curl up!

A curled up human being makes you realise how close we are to any other living being in the this world.

Curling up in fear, pain, anxiety, happiness, contentment, bliss, nervousness, uneasiness or as an alarming sign!

There could be many reasons for curling up.

Some say it’s the basic human instinct which takes us back into the pre-birth times of our lives. The in-womb conditions. Surrounding us with a feeling of complete care, safety and cutting us away from anything that’s bothering.

The more evolved ones like to think that in case of any abnormal/extraordinary behaviours, the heart starts pumping faster and it is its way of getting the farthest blood supply points closer for conservation of energy.

But frankly...

We curl up for the want of a human touch, yearn for a re-assuring hand or a heartfelt hug. When none comes forth, you turn inwards for the same.

It’s a hug you give yourself.

Re-assuring arms-around your shoulders that will not go away when you blink. They will be there as long as you want them to be. Making you feel that ‘yes there is someone around’ and is not just going to get up and go.

A shoulder where you can rest your head.

Ankles crossed, that tell you that time stands still and no one is in a hurry to go anywhere.

A promise to yourself that however low you sink, you are held, loved and cherished.

A human curl is all encompassing, all empowering and an expression of survival instinct. A cathartic, liberating and healing touch.

And if it’s a curl of contentment then you just want to preserve it for a little while longer and feel it to the deepest of your core. True happiness is so rare to come by that you want to let it sink in deep before letting it out into the universe and share it with the world.

It’s self approval, self-belief and a sign that all is not lost.

Give yourself a hug. Curl up!

How could I be so blind???

Mom has been so unreasonable lately. She has always been a strong willed lady but now her irrationality knows no bound. She wasn’t like this earlier.

Me, Dad & Ma

Most of the times I listen to her, sometimes I fight and sometimes I ignore her inane demands. So do my brother & sis in law.

But my father…God knows where does he get the strength from to fulfill all her whims & fancies. Her latest one being ‘she feels creepy in her house’ and wants to move away! Dad built a dream house brick by brick on top of a small hill. Huge sprawling mansion! He spent all his life trying to save up for it and now she wants to move after so many years of living there!

We knew Dad would reason with her as he is the most practical person I have ever known.

But all he said was ‘she doesn’t feel right here, we will move’!

I was stunned with disbelief.

He said to the three of us ‘we will just move for a few months, coz that's how far it looks like she will go’. We all knew it in our hearts but this is the first time anyone ever admitted it.

She has been on dialysis for past two and a half years. Thrice a week now. Every week. Paralysis, diabetes for 30 years and other treatments have left her almost bed ridden. No bowel control, kidney function and constant indigestion has made her so dependent. She has practically lost her eyes/vision. Dad hasn’t left her side in past 2.5 years even for a single day. He takes care of her like a baby. Cleans her up like one too.

I did’t understand how he did it all with a smile and never complained. I just didn't get it!

There are days that she fails to recognize him. She doesn't recognize any of us. There are days she humiliates him in front of everyone. She screams. She blames him. Then there are days she just holds him and cries uncontrollably.

On one such day we all got talking and she told us how they fell in love. How she wrote a letter to her mother saying if she wasn't allowed to marry my Dad, she would jump into a well. Dad laughed and said ‘there was no well in the city’, grandma fell for such a white lie!

I am back in Mumbai now. Going through all the old photographs.

I looked at her pictures and tried to imagine how it must feel to be a person who was once pretty, healthy, self reliant and now is completely dependent on others.

Somehow I started sensing something which I should have realized long back. Something about her and Dad.

This is the woman he fell in love with! So what if she can’t walk today. So what if she can’t see. So what if she looks all skinny and sick. So what if he has to clean her up in the middle of the night. So what if she gets cranky and humiliates him. So what?

(Mom at her baby shower)

For him she is still the woman he set his eyes on and fell so madly in love with. She is the mother of his children. She is the one he promised to be with in sickness or health. She is his soul mate he spent the last 35 years with. They saw each other grow. They have known each other since they were teenagers. They have loved, fought, made up a million times.

How could I not understand this??

We have a tradition of getting our parents remarried (with each other of course :) when one of them reaches the age of sixty. My brother and I took charge. From sending out invitations to taking care of all the guests to getting our parents married all over again to giving our mom jewellery (just like a new bride gets). We did it all! Dad was so proud of us and she blushed like a young bride. They still had butterflies when they held each others hand…even after 30 years of marriage.

How could I not understand this???

Time has stood still for him. He doesn’t know how it has flown. He just can’t see the difference you and I see. For him it’s just yesterday he moved into my mom’s building, saw this girl, asked her out, she said yes, they fell in love and suddenly today Doctors say ‘she doesn’t have much time left’!

(then)

(now)

For him, it will be a loss way beyond I can even imagine.

How could I not understand this???

How could I be so blind???

So much love between two people in my house and I never saw it. Really wonder how? Maybe that was the beauty of it. Never said….never spoken…never exhibited….just felt.

(PS: She passed away on 7th Nov 2008, a month after she met her future son-in-law. She said she was waiting for him.)

Oopar oopar se nahi...dil se!

,
On my way back from Hubli on March 25th I clicked a few pix from the plane.

Ya that's Mumbai from top. The salt pans, the marshlands, the highrises, the slums, the smog, the people...Mumbai meri jaan!

I switched on the mobile phone after landing, it read 'Home network selected'. This makes me smile with pride, without fail, every time I come back to the city! This is home!

(01/04/2012 It has been four years since I wrote this post. I don't live in Mumbai anymore. I got married in 2009 and moved to Delhi. As I mentioned in my humble learnings 'People change. That's what's nice about them. They elvolve & adapt'. I no longer look back to Mumbai as home. Home is where heart is. And my heart is here in Delhi, with my husband. Now it is Dilli meri jaan'. I have not been to Mumbai in almost a year and frankly I don't miss it either.)

What a Taxing day!

31st of March...anyone who has anything to do with numbers knows the importance of this day in India. I had decided on a lazy day in studio working on my showreel when I got a frantic call from my CA. He wanted me to come down to Marine lines for a signature to file my returns. Grrr...

And ever so calmly he said...now that you are coming, do carry your chequebook. Will try and clear off the Service tax bit too. Suddenly images of numbers dwindling down in my already modest bank account loomed in front of my eyes. So did the crashing stock market, soaring gold prices and silver at Rs. 24,000/- a kilo! Not that I have anything to do with them but still...when it's the day to feel sick...you can find many reasons to do so.

Have you ever spent a fortune on silly things but thought and fought for 2 ruppes extra charged to you on your very important purchase? I felt like that. Wanted to save every single rupee I could that day. So I decided to walk & take a train from Mahalaxmi to Marine Lines.

Somehow music always smoothens harsh realities so I logged onto FM channels and started walking. Did you know FM means frequency modulation???? Neither did I :)

1:30pm...sun glaring right into my eyes but only when I almost reached the station did I realise that I had forgotten my new shades on the editing table. A very expensive gift to myself (by my standards of course) I didn't want to lose them so I walked back to pick them up.

No lunch, money going away from my account, walking in the sun .... I should have felt horrible....in fact I did but then as if by divine intervention, the FM played 'khwaja mere khwaja' (this song takes me into a trance) , the traffic got so bad that I could cross the street very very easily, felt wind blowing into my hair and saw a huge clean Airtel hoarding (with nothing by Shah Rukh on it) right in front of me. Shah Rukhs hair were flying to one side in it and the hoarding size was overwhelming .....I felt like a baby in front of it. All this happened at the same time! Combination of all these things had a magical effect on my mood. One of those unexplained things in life. In a moment I went from cranky to smily!

The same me who was so looking forward to the shaded train station, now wanted to explore and also click a photo of self & Sah Rukh in the same frame (grr...just couldn't). Many tries of hopping across the road....standing on the divider and posing....and finally giving up on the perfect photo op....I decided to walk over to the Dhobi Ghat on the other end of the station.

This biggest dhobhighat in the city is between Mahalaxmi station and Saat Rasta. Each dhobhi (hired on a monthly basis or daily wages @ Rs. 130 per day) washes about 200 clothes per day on one of the 907 neatly aligned stone basins. Each basin holds upto 200-300 litres of water a day. A Rajdhani contract gets them a lot of the train linen washing deals. This is world's largest open air Laundry which attracts flocks of tourist every day. Indias entrepreneurial genius shows in the number of other businesses that thrive on this (block mehendi, polaroid photographers, toy makers, masala walas, map sellers etc. who line up the footpath to make use of this tourist traffic).

In these times of 'I sneeze & I advertise it', did you ever see Doordarshan come up with any hoarding for any of it's TV programmes? I never did. Was so surprised to see this one. DD has a special place in my heart. Anything to do with DD makes me smile. 'Anek chidiya', 'Main hoon Swimmi', 'Feature Film Follows', 'Fairy Tale Theatre' are a few of my childhood memories that I have DD to thank for. Maybe I am ancient but I actually remember seeing the Surf 'Lalitaji' & Taj 'Dip Dip Dip' ads on air and not just in an archive.


Happy & contented I boarded the train to Marine Lines so I could go and do more important things in life like file my tax returns in time & pay the Service Tax. Hoping against hope that they will finally be used for making roads, hospitals, bridges, army....just as they claim.

Tourist in my own city - Vile Parle East

Was getting bored last Sunday and kept wondering what could I do in half a day????

I decided to check out a part of Mumbai that I didn’t know well….just like a tourist…in my own city!

Armed with a small camera, walking shoes and my new shades I ventured out in the middle of the afternoon. As luck would have it…Dharmesh Jhaveri (my friend from CouchSurfing) decided to show me around. Pranay Patel from Borivili (and Ulana from Hospitality club) joined us as well.

Here’s what I learnt about Vile Parle East….

We met at café Coffee Day near the Gujarati eating joint ‘Tosa’. There used to be a school which was brought down and these eateries came up.

We crossed over to the ‘Shri Jain Yuvak Mandal’. Dharmesh is the President of this Medical Center. It is wonderful to see that all top doctors (who charge Rs. 550 per sitting) of Mumbai come here to treat patients for at a very small sum (Rs. 30 per month per patient).

Then we took a walk down the lane to the Parle Biscuit Factory, which till date I had only heard about & taken a whiff off in the trains. I never knew a factory actually existed right in the middle of the residential area. There is a shop nearby which sells biscuits from the factory which are broken while making, at a much much cheaper rate :)

(Do not miss the Parle logo on the gate)

Dwarakadhish mandir was on our way but closed. A reminder that most temples close in the afternoon.

Took a U turn, crossed the East-West connecting bridge and walked towards ‘Shaan’ Movie Theater. In its completely dilapidated state, it still stood proud with the statue of ‘Sai Baba’ & other Goddesses standing witness to changing times. Apparently ‘Love Story’ starring Kumar Gaurav was the first film to be played in this theater for which his father Superstar Rajendra Kumar had come to inaugurate the place.

As if mocking the old times, bang opposite the ‘Shaan’ theater stands the spanking new ‘Sun City’ Multiplex now.

Then we went to the municipal garden where a few were already enjoying their afternoon siesta. A new ‘Vodafone’ showroom and the work happening in the upcoming ‘Reliance Fresh’ outlet were the only signs of life around. ‘Kashhh’ is a Hookka parlour near the Garden where a lot of youngsters go.

Swatantrya Veer Sawarkar Sewa Kendra, Vile Parle is a place from where Dharmesh and other like minded social volunteers & activists run a project called ‘GEM’. This is the soul of the Grain, Education & Medicine project wherein they provide provisions once a month at half the rate & better quality than ration shops, to people under poverty line.

Panshikar’s ‘Corn Pattice’, Sharma Bhelpuriwalas ‘Panipuris’, Shree Vadapaav (near Tilak school) ka vada paav and then some cool cool sprite near the market….we stuffed ourselves with as many items as possible. Not to forget that I had started this trip right after a ‘rice/sambhar/avail/shrikhand’ lunch and a nice ‘Green Apple Soda’.

As Pranay and I went about checking out more snack joints on the famous Hanuman Road (home to Gajali sea food restaurant), Dharmesh went to receive Ulana, an Estonian HC member from the station)

She soon joined us and we saw the Magnificent Jain Remple. Made out of White marble and exquisite woodwork, it exists in three floors. Have a look at pix to see it’s beauty. Statues of 24 Tirthankars & other Goddessess in superb craftsmanship were a treat. Dharmesh happens to be the Secretary of the Temple.

Criss crossing the evening market we spotted so many things that one would miss out when alone. Almost every shop has a ‘Parle’ prefix. We laughed at the thought of ‘Parle’ diversifying into lingerie, leather & hospitality business.

If you get tired walking around in the market and are not finding a place to sit then just look for the police chowki. Once you sight it and can see the strategically placed police van, just walk around the vehicle. Hidden between the chowki & the van is a nice clean bench donated by some kind soul.

I heard the fruits & vegetables are so fresh here that even the ‘paisawala juhu junta’ comes here for bhaji (veggie) shopping.

A lady managing a ‘Chai Tapri’ was a cool sight :)

Dinanath Mangeshkar Hall near the Vile Parle (E) is one of the biggest and most renowned theaters for Marathi & Gujarati plays. We finally took a group photo there and said our bye byes.

Am nibbling on some CCI pastries from yesterday as I write this. Goddd….someone take food away from me!

For every single person who is able to follow his/her dream, there are many who have given up theirs. With due respect to them, I begin this journey. A journey based on two of the greatest gifts my parents could ever give me - strong Roots & Wings!