How could I be so blind???

Mom has been so unreasonable lately. She has always been a strong willed lady but now her irrationality knows no bound. She wasn’t like this earlier.

Me, Dad & Ma

Most of the times I listen to her, sometimes I fight and sometimes I ignore her inane demands. So do my brother & sis in law.

But my father…God knows where does he get the strength from to fulfill all her whims & fancies. Her latest one being ‘she feels creepy in her house’ and wants to move away! Dad built a dream house brick by brick on top of a small hill. Huge sprawling mansion! He spent all his life trying to save up for it and now she wants to move after so many years of living there!

We knew Dad would reason with her as he is the most practical person I have ever known.

But all he said was ‘she doesn’t feel right here, we will move’!

I was stunned with disbelief.

He said to the three of us ‘we will just move for a few months, coz that's how far it looks like she will go’. We all knew it in our hearts but this is the first time anyone ever admitted it.

She has been on dialysis for past two and a half years. Thrice a week now. Every week. Paralysis, diabetes for 30 years and other treatments have left her almost bed ridden. No bowel control, kidney function and constant indigestion has made her so dependent. She has practically lost her eyes/vision. Dad hasn’t left her side in past 2.5 years even for a single day. He takes care of her like a baby. Cleans her up like one too.

I did’t understand how he did it all with a smile and never complained. I just didn't get it!

There are days that she fails to recognize him. She doesn't recognize any of us. There are days she humiliates him in front of everyone. She screams. She blames him. Then there are days she just holds him and cries uncontrollably.

On one such day we all got talking and she told us how they fell in love. How she wrote a letter to her mother saying if she wasn't allowed to marry my Dad, she would jump into a well. Dad laughed and said ‘there was no well in the city’, grandma fell for such a white lie!

I am back in Mumbai now. Going through all the old photographs.

I looked at her pictures and tried to imagine how it must feel to be a person who was once pretty, healthy, self reliant and now is completely dependent on others.

Somehow I started sensing something which I should have realized long back. Something about her and Dad.

This is the woman he fell in love with! So what if she can’t walk today. So what if she can’t see. So what if she looks all skinny and sick. So what if he has to clean her up in the middle of the night. So what if she gets cranky and humiliates him. So what?

(Mom at her baby shower)

For him she is still the woman he set his eyes on and fell so madly in love with. She is the mother of his children. She is the one he promised to be with in sickness or health. She is his soul mate he spent the last 35 years with. They saw each other grow. They have known each other since they were teenagers. They have loved, fought, made up a million times.

How could I not understand this??

We have a tradition of getting our parents remarried (with each other of course :) when one of them reaches the age of sixty. My brother and I took charge. From sending out invitations to taking care of all the guests to getting our parents married all over again to giving our mom jewellery (just like a new bride gets). We did it all! Dad was so proud of us and she blushed like a young bride. They still had butterflies when they held each others hand…even after 30 years of marriage.

How could I not understand this???

Time has stood still for him. He doesn’t know how it has flown. He just can’t see the difference you and I see. For him it’s just yesterday he moved into my mom’s building, saw this girl, asked her out, she said yes, they fell in love and suddenly today Doctors say ‘she doesn’t have much time left’!

(then)

(now)

For him, it will be a loss way beyond I can even imagine.

How could I not understand this???

How could I be so blind???

So much love between two people in my house and I never saw it. Really wonder how? Maybe that was the beauty of it. Never said….never spoken…never exhibited….just felt.

(PS: She passed away on 7th Nov 2008, a month after she met her future son-in-law. She said she was waiting for him.)