The news is still outside of me. Every breath does try to draw it in but my body knows that the moment it lets the consciousness get a hang of it, everything inside will be ruined. It is so severe, the realisation! The mind refuses to grasp it, heart denies its acknowledgement and the soul doesn't recognise it. Such is the fate of the writings on the wall. Right in front yet every pore chooses to be unaware of it. Sooner the eyes read it and pass it onto the inner world of my oblivious self, better it will be.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Friends
"You think I have no brains and I think you have no heart." Said Eve to Adam. "Neither is true but yet our behaviour substantiates this statement. I wish you showed me some consideration that you so naturally have for others and I wish I could impress you with a mere thread of the intelligent conversations I have with others. I wish we were friends." Sighed Eve.
But this wasn't meant to be.
Hence God created friends. Someone you can have intelligent conversations with and heart to heart talks as well.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Open Books
I read in the newspapers today about this Lady Judge who had declared the marriage of her two daughters under the 'liability' heading in the account books. The papers and public were aghast how she could do that in times of gender parity.
I thought,"Poor lady. All she did was list her expenses and incomes under the correct headings. The expenditure she would be incurring on the weddings of her daughters couldn't have been an 'asset', so what's wrong if she put it in the 'liabilities' column. Even a house one owns is a 'liability' until the day loans are repaid. For the lack of a better terminology (which in the first place isn't her fault), one can't frown upon her. So what if she didn't put it in a better way. So what if she wasn't politically correct. Look at how less she earns anyway"
I voiced my opinion.
Hubby was getting ready to go to office. He continued tying up his black tie, looked up for a moment and said, "When she travels in a white Ambassador with a bleeding incessant siren which expects people to let her pass and when she resides in a two acre house in the middle of Lutyens' Delhi which is maintained by the tax payer's money, she'd better be politically correct. People in public offices and eyes must think before they speak."
I had to shut up coz somewhere I knew he was right.
I thought,"Poor lady. All she did was list her expenses and incomes under the correct headings. The expenditure she would be incurring on the weddings of her daughters couldn't have been an 'asset', so what's wrong if she put it in the 'liabilities' column. Even a house one owns is a 'liability' until the day loans are repaid. For the lack of a better terminology (which in the first place isn't her fault), one can't frown upon her. So what if she didn't put it in a better way. So what if she wasn't politically correct. Look at how less she earns anyway"
I voiced my opinion.
Hubby was getting ready to go to office. He continued tying up his black tie, looked up for a moment and said, "When she travels in a white Ambassador with a bleeding incessant siren which expects people to let her pass and when she resides in a two acre house in the middle of Lutyens' Delhi which is maintained by the tax payer's money, she'd better be politically correct. People in public offices and eyes must think before they speak."
I had to shut up coz somewhere I knew he was right.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The man on the phone
I was early. All set to board the flight at Mumbai Airport.
I bought books and got down to reading when I heard someone speak in Bengali.
I eavesdropped unintentionally. He was on the phone. Initially it was nice to hear a well-dressed, good-looking man speak in a language you find so charming. But he soon got angry and almost shouted at the person on the other end of the line, whom he referred to as Dada (colloquial term for elder brother). I can understand Bangla so it wasn't difficult to figure out that he was a businessman.
"I am talking to you on international roaming, why should I tell you who my fabricator is??? I sell unbranded stuff, you think I will get into a discussion about my suppliers with you on international roaming?? I think of you as an elder brother, so talk to me if you want to talk but not as a business associate. You have no ethics, I have no patience for you", he erupted.
"He is not an Indian, even though he looks like one", I thought to myself.
We all got back to our books and newspapers once this was over, only to be startled by another loud, "What are you doing" in Bangla. We all looked up. He had now called someone on the phone who was probably a student coz this gentleman was now scolding the other person regarding some coaching classes the boy was attending. He authoritatively degraded the whole tuitions/coaching classes fraternity and told the boy in no uncertain terms that he should only be into self-study and no tuitions. "God had given you brains, use it!" He almost barked. This time the man was more aggressive than the last call he had made.
We all got back to our books and newspapers once this was over. It was quiet for sometime before we heard "Delhi has bomb blasts and nothing happens. What is your foot going to do to me". This time he said it in Hindi and louder than the last two times. We all looked up again. He wasn't on the phone. The person sitting across him had accidentally knocked him with his foot.
"I am sorry I hit you by mistake", the other person expressed his regret.
The loud man continued, "No problem. The whole world is burning and nobody cares. Your foot is the least of all bothers. No problem." His response was totally unlike his earlier phone conversations. We all smiled. So did the person across him. These two men exchanged a laughter.
"I have traveled so much and seen so much that these things don't bother me. I am not like one of those frogs in the well", he went onto explain himself in Hindi.
The person sitting across apologised once again and said "I am sorry but I don't understand Hindi so well".
Now the loud man lost his cool and questioned "You don't understand Hindi? You are an Indian and you don't understand Hindi? Are you a South Indian? You people I tell you! If you don't understand it, why did you laugh the first time? Were you laughing at me? Were you making fun of me? You think i am an idiot? Tell me why is it that you can't be united, at least in your language?? Your state governments are divisive. Your whole secularist attitude is rubbish. You all are so divided that nobody can bring you together" Now he was speaking in English.
He just got up, started walking around, muttering things to himself. If you din't know about the incident, you'd think he was talking on the phone craning into the Bluetooth. He went and sat at another place and continued his grumble.
I had all my mind to interrupt and stop his barrage but I didn't.
Now when I think back, I am not sure if he really was talking on phone the first two times as well.
Now when I think back, I am not sure if he really was talking on phone the first two times as well.
To see him queue up ahead of us to board the same flight made many a passengers exchange glance. He united us in his outburst. I entered the aircraft praying I didn't have a seat next to him. I was relieved to see that he was seated on 4F and me on 7C. I didn't interact with him at all and yet he left such a significant impression on me.
But the fact remains even as I write this, there walks around a highly disgruntled man. An intelligent, multilingual, well-traveled, rich businessman who is finding this world a difficult place to live in. Sometimes, the baggage we carry is way above the silly 20kgs. cut off.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The Housewife Cap
One day-
"Did you water the plants?" I asked.
"Of course I did", pat came the reply.
A year back I would have just smiled at the domestic help and gone back to doing what I was doing.
On another day -
"Madam this RO water purifier system needs a change of membrane", says the service engineer.
"How is that possible, I just bought the machine 7 months back", I questioned.
A year back I would have asked him to change the membrane and even bought an Annual Maintenance Contract from them, even though I am in the Warranty period. But I am a different person right now.
I will never ask her if she has watered the plants unless I know that she hasn't, the dry caking soil speaks it all if you observe beforehand. And in the other case, just send the guy back to come later. Take a second opinion from another servicing center and blast the hell out of him when he comes back for being a part of the nexus which does all this drama in order to sell expensive parts and achieve their year end AMC targets.
This way you don't change the membrane if it is not required and they will offer you a discount on the contract next year. Never speaking without proof is the first step.
I even tell the Clients upfront these days, "Why go in for a bad 2D animation if there is a budget crunch, the same amount will give you a good flash animation".
How did I become like this?
I have no clue.
But one thing is for sure-
Today I know "पैसे पेड़ पर नहीं उगते, फिर वो चाहे मेरा पैसा हों या किसी और का" (money doesn't grow on trees, may it be my money of somebody else's).
"Did you water the plants?" I asked.
"Of course I did", pat came the reply.
A year back I would have just smiled at the domestic help and gone back to doing what I was doing.
On another day -
"Madam this RO water purifier system needs a change of membrane", says the service engineer.
"How is that possible, I just bought the machine 7 months back", I questioned.
A year back I would have asked him to change the membrane and even bought an Annual Maintenance Contract from them, even though I am in the Warranty period. But I am a different person right now.
I will never ask her if she has watered the plants unless I know that she hasn't, the dry caking soil speaks it all if you observe beforehand. And in the other case, just send the guy back to come later. Take a second opinion from another servicing center and blast the hell out of him when he comes back for being a part of the nexus which does all this drama in order to sell expensive parts and achieve their year end AMC targets.
This way you don't change the membrane if it is not required and they will offer you a discount on the contract next year. Never speaking without proof is the first step.
I even tell the Clients upfront these days, "Why go in for a bad 2D animation if there is a budget crunch, the same amount will give you a good flash animation".
How did I become like this?
I have no clue.
But one thing is for sure-
Today I know "पैसे पेड़ पर नहीं उगते, फिर वो चाहे मेरा पैसा हों या किसी और का" (money doesn't grow on trees, may it be my money of somebody else's).
Monday, December 6, 2010
Being Baba
Maintaining two sets of lies isn't easy, especially when you don't believe in either one of them.
"It's going to be all right, don't worry", said Baba (my father) to me in March 2005 when I was detected with Breast Cancer, Stage III at the age of 29.
"Oh it's just for a few days", said Baba to Aai (my mother) in April 2005 when she had to go in for her first dialysis after a complete renal failure at the age of 58.
He was economical with truth.
How does one break the news to a daughter that it is going to be a long treatment full of insufferable chemo-therapies, extended surgeries and surplus radiations on a very long road to recovery. The fact that she was unmarried and living alone in a metro was too much for any father to bear. He told me the truth in due course of time.
How does one break the news to a wife when she innocently asks "how long do I have to take dialysis done" that these rounds of dialysis were just the beginning and would graduate from being a weekly affair to twice or thrice a week soon. There was no scope of a kidney transplant as her heart was beating at only 30% of its capacity. He told her the truth in due course of time.
He shuttled between Mumbai and Hubli for 9 months. He would take an afternoon appointment for her dialysis. Sit with her for four hours, holding hands. Drop her back home in the care of my brother (who had just started his business with family savings hence couldn't leave the city) and take the night bus from Hubli to Mumbai. Head straight to Tata Memorial Hospital where my Chemos would start at 9:00 am. Be with me through that. Take me back to my rented apartment. Take care of me for the next 6 days.
On the 6th night he would take the midnight train which reached Hubli the next afternoon around 3:00pm, well in time for Aai's next dialysis.
He did this for 9 months without fail. For two women who meant the most to him.
His greatest joy was taking me home in November 2005 for Diwali. His whole family was together, at one place. He slept well.
I lived to tell this story, Aai (mother) couldn't.
I called him up this morning. He sounded groggy and tired. I asked him if he was all right. He said "Yesss, I am fine". My sister in law tells me, he hasn't slept the whole night due to some discomfort in his eyes as he has just had a cataract operation.
He still lies, my Baba!
"It's going to be all right, don't worry", said Baba (my father) to me in March 2005 when I was detected with Breast Cancer, Stage III at the age of 29.
"Oh it's just for a few days", said Baba to Aai (my mother) in April 2005 when she had to go in for her first dialysis after a complete renal failure at the age of 58.
He was economical with truth.
How does one break the news to a daughter that it is going to be a long treatment full of insufferable chemo-therapies, extended surgeries and surplus radiations on a very long road to recovery. The fact that she was unmarried and living alone in a metro was too much for any father to bear. He told me the truth in due course of time.
How does one break the news to a wife when she innocently asks "how long do I have to take dialysis done" that these rounds of dialysis were just the beginning and would graduate from being a weekly affair to twice or thrice a week soon. There was no scope of a kidney transplant as her heart was beating at only 30% of its capacity. He told her the truth in due course of time.
He shuttled between Mumbai and Hubli for 9 months. He would take an afternoon appointment for her dialysis. Sit with her for four hours, holding hands. Drop her back home in the care of my brother (who had just started his business with family savings hence couldn't leave the city) and take the night bus from Hubli to Mumbai. Head straight to Tata Memorial Hospital where my Chemos would start at 9:00 am. Be with me through that. Take me back to my rented apartment. Take care of me for the next 6 days.
On the 6th night he would take the midnight train which reached Hubli the next afternoon around 3:00pm, well in time for Aai's next dialysis.
He did this for 9 months without fail. For two women who meant the most to him.
His greatest joy was taking me home in November 2005 for Diwali. His whole family was together, at one place. He slept well.
I lived to tell this story, Aai (mother) couldn't.
I called him up this morning. He sounded groggy and tired. I asked him if he was all right. He said "Yesss, I am fine". My sister in law tells me, he hasn't slept the whole night due to some discomfort in his eyes as he has just had a cataract operation.
He still lies, my Baba!
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| Aai, Baba & Me in 2000 |
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